Episode 146 – How to Destroy Your Comfort Zone & Get What You Want!
Rob: All right, welcome back to our Becoming Your Best podcast listeners. Excited to have you with us today on this podcast wherever you’re at in the world. We’ve got an amazing guest with us today and I’ll introduce him here in a few seconds. You know, one of the things that we try to do on this podcast is bring to you some of the top thought leaders in the world, whether it’s from the business perspective or people that can really move and influence our lives. Michael is certainly one of those people and I had the chance to visit with Michael about a month ago and if I don’t know someone prior to meeting them, I try to get a little bit more familiar with them and their background so that if they’re on the podcast, you know that they are a person who can really have an impact in your life and in your business.
So I was introduced to Michael about, maybe a couple months ago from a good friend of mine named Randy Garn. We had a great conversation on the phone and he sent me a few links to some audios that he’s done and as I have the chance to drive up and down the Canyon, I’ve been listening to those audios and they’ve had a big impact in my life. I’m around this type of content and stuff a lot and so to say that this is having a big impact is a bold statement.
So I wanted to bring Michael on to this podcast because I know what he offers is valuable to all of us. So with that being said, I want to introduce Michael who’s the president and founder of the Human Communications Institute and he’s a leader in the personal professional development industry and when I say leader I mean a mover and shaker and by mover and shaker, I mean someone who’s delivering content that can really impact your life. It’s not just a nice story, it’s something that can really get deep and be an influence for good in your life.
He works directly with individuals and he also takes that up to the executive level in corporations, really focusing on their culture and high performance. So we’re going to focus on some of those things today. Before we do that Michael, welcome to the show. What else would our listeners like to know about you that you could give us a little background on?
Michael: Well I love it and I’m thinking as you’re mentioning me that you’re listening to the audios and thinking how many calories have I burned, you know, people listening to me going up mountains today and running and listening to the audios and everything? So in a nutshell you said it perfectly. I mean, I’ve had an obsession for a long period of time, our entire company does, of understanding influence in the world, influence when it comes to business and influence in ourselves to do exactly what this entire podcast is about, what you know your listeners are really about is really becoming your best. So it’s just been an obsession for a while, finding out what makes people great, what makes people get started again, what makes people stop and then start later. In a nutshell, you know, going around the earth looking for the best of the best material in finding a way to teach it in very simple ways that an everyday person can use it to impact their life.
Rob: Yeah, that’s awesome. You know, one thing that’s fun about Michael is we share a lot of similarities, Michael and I. We both had the chance to be in front of a lot of different people, whether it’s doing a keynote or whether it’s one on one coaching. We were just talking prior to this podcast and it’s very interesting, it doesn’t matter who the person is, a lot of us, in fact, I would say all of us have different things that we’re struggling with in our lives. You know, some of us want to have better health. Some of us are trying to get unstuck from some things that are holding us back. Maybe it’s relationships. You know, it’s something that’s going on with your spouse. Maybe it’s an issue with one of your sons or daughters.
The bottom line is that we all have something. People are getting held up and they’re getting stuck. So Michael, maybe just from your perspective and background, talk a little bit about that. What are some thoughts and ideas that you have when it comes to high performance, getting unstuck, moving forward? What are your thoughts on that?
Michael: I have a ton of thoughts on them for the amount of time we have. You know, what we can get a point across and see how to crystallize it very, very simply. You hit it on the head. I mean, I just got back from an event last weekend that I was at. You know, the average income in the room, not company percentage, the average like take home was several million dollars a year at a minimum. There were people that companies were doing in the billions in the room and they were making, you know, big salaries and everything and it didn’t matter what other speakers were there. When I started talking about this one very specific topic about the challenges people have and what they deal with, they even brought up Steve Jobs when we watched that movie about his inability to have relationships very well with people, but he was great in one area and challenged in others. If there’s something that you are really great at as an entrepreneur, one of the things that I recognize, we typically battle somewhere else because to be phenomenal at everything across the board, is a challenge in itself. I asked someone once like where do you find these perfect people? They said usually in books and on TV. I mean, that’s pretty much where you go that you find these folks.
To answer your question simply, I believe that the biggest challenge that people have is, whether you’re looking to get ahead and looking to get ahead with the numbers, you want to get your team more motivated, you want to get back in the gym again or you want to accelerate your workouts, is one very simple thing. It’s a feeling that you get, and I can elaborate on this if you want. It’s that feeling you get when you know you want to do something.
I remember back in the day, you know, you wanted to ask a girl out, you’re 15 years old, back before Snapchat and back before Instagram and Tinder and everything, you had to literally pick up the phone and call people. I remember that feeling, one of the first times I had it is that you dial six out of the seven numbers but you’re intimidated to dial that seventh and there’s that imaginary emotion. Remember that feeling? It’s like you want to ask her to sail? You want to ask that person out. You want to tell your wife or husband how you really feel that it’s like that feeling that stops you inside.
A lot of therapists call it fear yet I found a very simple thing and I really set out what that truly is, is that wall that shows up in our lives. I say this to high performers all the time. I said, your biggest challenge is, you’re average and I let that sink in for a second because when I say you’re average, you’re thinking like Michael does peak performance, I make $20 million a year, you know, I run a football team. What are you crazy calling me average? I’m actually not calling you average.
What I’m saying is your average dominates your life and it really is your script that defines your actions, your emotions and everything you do. I could take the time to prove this you today. If there’s anything you can do to become a high performer, is to change what your current average is. That will change the majority of your life. So we can take that anywhere you want to go Rob but I’ll tell you, if you could just accept, I have this in my book, if you can accept the fact your average is the dominating force in your life, all we have to do is then change it.
Rob: Yeah, that is powerful. I think we can use a whole podcast for this because this is the spirit of becoming your best. You know, there’s this quote that we love to use, “Good, better, best, never let it rest till your good is better and your better is best. The moment we get to the point in our lives where we say, I’m fine the way I am, I’m good to go, this is good enough, then how in the world do we get better, let alone to our best? So I love your statement there, your average dominates your life.
So the question is, it’s not a comparison between someone else and ourselves. This is about each one of our best, our average and you just said this. You know, sometimes we get awestruck or star struck by other people. I don’t do that anymore. One of our coaching clients, he made $20 million yet there was many areas of his life when behind closed doors he said, “Man, I’m just not happy.” And this is about what you just said, your average. So why don’t you expound on that. You said if we’d like to expound on that and let’s do that. Let’s expound on that.
Michael: Yeah, I’ll do that and I’ll tell you it’s interesting you mentioned. Instantly when I say you’re average, it’s the title of the book that’s going to be coming. It’s “Average Sucks for a Reason.” I want it to like hit people with a two by four. Because I’m at the airport, I fly, travel, go to the gym a lot. I probably have given out tens of thousands of those shirts over the years. Sold them and given them away. People stop me all the time and they’re like, “Oh man, that’s a great shirt. Man, average sucks, you’re right.” I’ve waiters and waitresses all coming to me and saying, you know, “Hey that’s great,” and then I very nicely ask, “Do you know what that means?” They always say to me, well you know, don’t be average. The answer is, yes correct but we’re not talking about other people’s average, we’re talking about your average.
What I’ve recognized is most people don’t understand what their own average is. So how we get an average and where most unhappiness comes from in the world is when you’re not doing what you want to be doing. Say your heart and your brain are…Like if men are from Mars and women are from Venus like the book, your heart is from Pluto and I don’t know where your brain is from. It could be Uranus but I don’t even know. Like it’s from another place.
Michael: Uranus, I think you’re supposed to say, right? But what happens is like, your heart goes, “I want that, I want to be rich, I want to be happy, I want to be in great shape.” And your brain goes, “How you’re going to do it?” You know, “Sounds great but how about I show you 40 DVDs and HD quality of you screwing up last time.” So here’s where your average comes from. It comes from the script that you live on a regular basis. I’ll elaborate on this, I’ll do it slowly and you can ask questions and I want to make certain that the listener, you listening in, really grasps this. Like you got all the intentions when you go to bed at night to wake up in the morning and be who you really want to be. Like you can put a note by the bed like, “Okay, well here’s my script, here’s who I want to be today and you leave it on the in table and then you wake up in the morning and the most dominating thing in your brain is, wait who am I again? What am I supposed to be doing? And because you don’t have an answer to that question, you reach over on the nightstand, you grab your current script of who you were yesterday and you do it again.
Now, here’s how the whole thing works. So have you ever noticed Rob, like somebody starts doing well, you know in business that feeling you get when…You remember when you first got started? I’ll just ask you, you remember when you first got started years ago in business? What was your first business you had? Let me walk you through this because this will be fun for everybody. You and I will do it together. What was your first business you had?
Rob: Yeah, simple. A little company called Star leadership LLC.
Michael: Perfect. And from the moment you started, it worked out perfectly, right? Like rich overnight, tons of money, everything was great, cash flow was perfect.
Rob: Yeah, exactly. No, I think it’s relatable to what probably anyone who has started a business has felt and that is, am I going to make it? Can I do this? You know, there’s the doubt that we all have. And there’s this little entrepreneur’s graph that I love. It’s this zig zag puzzle and when the guy’s on top, he says, “I’m king of the world.” And then the next day its down and this pit going, “Am I going to survive?” I think we can all relate to that starting a business.
Michael: Well, this is a fascinating thing. So I remember when I first got started in business myself, and I remember the reason I got started. I got started because I wanted freedom. I started because I had a message I wanted to get out to the world. I wanted to make money. And most people don’t realize their biggest problem is their success at some level. So unconsciously, Rob, you get started with this idea and you go ahead and you go, “Bam, I succeeded and I never want to go back where I was again. I don’t want to tell my wife we can’t afford to go on that trip anymore. I don’t want to tell my kids we can’t do that.” And you build a wall behind you saying, I will never go back there again and this is where your average starts getting created, out of mild success. Or you get picked on when you’re a kid and you’re like, I never want to get picked on again so I’m building a wall behind me saying, “Never get picked on,” I’m going to live inside of here and I’m just going to be quiet. I’m going to be like a little shy. So you build an identity for yourself.
So what’s fascinating is at the same moment that you build that wall behind you saying I’m never going to go back there again, you build a beautiful wall in front of you saying, “That’s where I’m headed.” It’s the dream wall. Your goals, your dreams and you stare at it and you’re like, “Oh my God, one day I’m going to get there, the Promised Land.” It’s like your dream boards. I call it like your dopamine rush. It’s like a drug dealer center. All these exciting things that one day you’re going to do and you put them in front of you.
So what happens is, you got two walls to this box and to the right of it, to really, really make your life easy, because this is the point of life. The point of your brain is to find ways to make your life easy. I swear to you average can really mess with you. To the right, you build a wall called your identity. The way you typically you describe yourself to people is like, here’s who I am, here’s who I want to be and here’s what I’m not. So basically you’re describing the inside of your box, the edge of your box and you’re describing the place you never want to go.
Here’s what’s fascinating about your average. You got a wall behind you of where you never want to go again, the dream is in front of you, right in front of you. To the right of you, you got your identity and to the left of you, to make the box solid, you attract, recruit and have conspirators to help you do this. You attract exactly who you need to have as friends and relationships to remind you of who it is that you are so you can stay who it is that you are. So you hire the people that you need to help you stay your average. You get in relationships with people that help you be who you currently are. So this is why if you go to change, you got a lot of explain to do to these other people.
So if you’re a woman who wound up losing 70 pounds, most women do not jump up and down and go, “Oh my God, I’m your best friend, you lost 70 pounds.” No they’re in your life, they’re helping to remind you that you are that overweight person. They’re not being mean but that’s been your identity up till now.
Rob: Isn’t that hence the saying, you know, you become the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
Michael: Bingo, bingo. So basically you build the life of similar types of people, an identity that’s constant, goals that are in front of you and a place you’ll never go back and you know what, it’s comfortable. Now here’s what you don’t realize. Your brain wanted you to get to this place so it’s consistent, it doesn’t have to think so much, it could take a break, you’ll be okay. Here’s what’s fascinating. I’ve worked through enough people in real estate, which is a crazy market. Investor side, big hedge fund guys that get into real estate I’ve worked with. I’ve worked with one on one agents. Here’s what I caught on to. It doesn’t matter the economy. I have seen people in a good economy, in a bad economy, I’ve seen them do the same amount of income. They’ll 150 grand a year during the recession or 150 grand a year before the recession, give or take 10% or 15% because their life is dominated by this average.
I got a few more distinctions I can give me about this, but everyone on the phone is dealing with this. You have built a life to give you what you currently have so you can’t actually be you and get what you want at the same time. So this idea of the better you, you personally as you, your social security number and your identity can do it but you can’t be what you’re currently doing and get what you want if it’s possible because you’ve actually set it up to have what you have, not to get what you want.
Rob: So here’s something I just typed out. Tell me if I’m right in this assessment here. One of the big takeaways, I always look for takeaway, whenever I’m talking with someone, Michael, one of the questions I’m always asking myself is, how can I do better? How can I do better? It goes back to our conversation earlier. I’m not trying to just have this conversation with others. This how I look internally all the time in my own life. So I just wrote a question down and I said in this question, who can we surround ourselves with to help us transform into who we want to become? I’m looking at the people in my life right now and do they make me want to be better? You know, I mentioned Randy’s name. We just ran a meeting this morning for an hour with Randy, a very inspiring and amazing person. I’ve had the chance to visit with you. You know, I think better and live as a result. So wouldn’t this be one of the keys to help someone start to make a shift to their average, is really examine who they’re around on a daily basis and start to move that circle.
Michael: Some of these people and situations have a higher impact. They give you more of a peak emotional experience. So like, if you want to change your average of what it is you do, and this is what a lot of people listening are high performers so their thinking is, “Okay Michael, I got it. I’m going to lower my head and I’m going to run through that wall.” That’s where most people get burned out. You go 90 days, you talk to 50 Randy’s, 50 mes, 50 yous. Then eventually you ignore your business and you’re back in a different problem and you have a whole different problem. You’re not going to get what you want inside of your box. Here’s the fascinating thing and I’m going to get back to your ideas of networking, connecting, getting around the right people in a minute. This is the part most people don’t realize, what you want is over the law, it’s not inside of your box. So the actual wanting it is inside the box. Having it and actually living it and the realization of it, is on the other side. So Randy and I are in your box currently. We are part of your current high level average, but over the wall is a whole another game that we have to learn how to play if we actually want what it is we say we want.
Rob: Yeah and that can be intimidating for a lot of people. So how do you recommend that…Because this is another one of those things that we all get the concept? I think we would all agree and the harder part of this is or I should say the more difficult part of this is how do you do it? Say you have just a regular person listening and it applies to all of us. Someone just out there is listening. How do they do it? How do we do it?
Michael: Well, there’s two ways over that wall. Number one is, know the ladder. A lot of it could be relationships, a lot of it could be with information. It’s going to take some time. The other one is to grow. One of the things I recognize, if you grow you, you just step over the wall and you live in the new box but what most people don’t realize is there is no Promised Land. There’s just another box on the other side.
Rob: Yeah, exactly.
Michael: What’s fascinating about the new box is, the new box you’re in, bring Randy and I along, we’ll be in the new box but we’re going to be on the low end of your box. We’re going to be on the back end. We’re going to be like, I don’t want anything worse than Randy and Michael, right? And then in front of us is the Bill Gates and I’m just using financial metaphors. Do you know what I’m saying? In front is the Dallas Cowboys, in front is the New York Yankees, they’re all in the high front end of this whole thing. So what’s fascinating is, number one is to accept that you created this and the biggest reason why you created this box is, not to get into psychobabble, is to protect yourself and make your life easier.
I mean, do you realize that life these days is so simple. Like I have my daughter watching Little House on the Prairie now because I wanted to see what it looked like. Like she pushes a button, runs to the front door at two years old on Amazon.com wondering why the package isn’t here yet like one second later. So we as humans, life has gotten easy and our brains are always looking to solve problems. So what we’re doing as a culture is we’re creating new problems that don’t need to exist instead of realizing we’ve got to break them as humans. We don’t have to hunt and find her food. We can go to the grocery store. We can have it delivered. Life is easier now and because life is easier, we shouldn’t create new problems. What we should is more opportunities to grow.
So I’ve got a few key words that automatically can solve pretty much any of these problems and help you get out of the average you’re in and in a system for doing this that everybody can start examining to help you make the difference. So what do you think? We give the solution or we give the philosophy first. What do you think will be better for this group?
Rob: Yeah, either one whatever you think is best, let’s hear it. I love it.
Michael: Well, first thing I’ll tell you is, I’m a high performer myself. I’m one of those people that are like, can I do it faster? I remember I was listening to Jeff Yatter the other day on a podcast that he said, you know, his basketball coach gave them like summer drills. So he doubled them. He’s like, “I only do whatever else that I’ll be as good as everyone else so I doubled it.” So a lot of you are going to take what I say and want to double it. I’m going to tell you to slow down and understand the rules of life and how it works. I train on a little something called the 1% advantage and the 1% advantage is a simple thing. Like when I play monopoly for an example. Do you play monopoly with the kids at all? Do you play monopoly?
Rob: I haven’t played that for years. It used to be one of my favorite games.
Michael: Okay, I can be anybody, anywhere, anytime, it doesn’t matter. A lot of people think it’s a game of chance. The reason is, I understand the game. So if you understand like what makes a hedge fund manager greatest, they understand the game. What creates a really good stock picker? They understand things you don’t understand. Have you ever noticed like when you throw the dice, what most people do when they throw the dice, they land in a property, what do most people do?
Rob: Buy it.
Michael: Buy it, right because how many who has the most properties? But that’s not the name of the game. The name of the game is actually monopoly. So the reason I’m bringing this up is monopoly is there to collect monopoly. So there’s three things I understand about the game that give me a 1% advantage and literally I drive my family nuts until my teenager caught on to what I was doing and now she finally beat me. I don’t want admit that publicly but finally beat me.
Here’s what I recognized and this is very important for all of you to realize. Three things I do. Number one is, I recognize the name of the game as monopoly. So if you have a yellow and I have a yellow when I land on one, do you know what I do immediately? I mortgage mine immediately because cash in hand in that game is better than the $12 or 20 bucks you get when someone lands on your property. Then if I’m in a bad position and you have to buy the yellow from me, I’m selling you a bad position of property in a mortgage position. Catch the concept?
Michael: Number two, I never buy the Boardwalk and Park Place. So let somebody else have them. The reason why is they’re too expensive to build on. I buy the cheaper stuff and I want to want to win through attrition, to knock you out. The third thing that I do and I don’t know how much everyone listens to some positive thinking or faith or whatever it is you believe in. Other things that I do before I throw the dice, this may sound crazy, but what if it’s right 1 in 100 times because you’re going to play the game, 1 in 100 times I ask for what I want the dice to be. I’ve done it in Vegas, I’ve been removed from a few casinos for doing this.
I literally ask for what it is I want. Now, I don’t know what your belief system is but what if there’s a little faith and a little possibility that when I throw that dice, 1 in 100 times or even 10 and 100, I can get what it is that I want. Could that possibly give me the slightest advantage believing that I could get what I want? I’m not saying every time, I’m nothing all the time.
Rob: You’re just saying you need one time.
Michael: Are you catching what I mean by that?
Michael: One time. Now, I do it about 30% of the time and I do it in blackjack and other things also, the kind of freaky, weird. I’ve learned to like, tilt the world a little not to freak anybody out. But why not ask for what you want? Why not have a parking spot upfront? Why not have the ideal workout? Why not come home from school and your kids are smiling? Why not plan in your head what you like things to be. So I believe in the 1% advantage.
So I look for little, teeny specs of advantage. Like for instance, if you want to have better health, there’s little things you can do to improve those things. So the reason I brought up the monopoly example gets me to my next point. I look for 1% advantages. Not only yellow glasses at night and I sleep 1% better. It’s fantastic. If when I wake up in the morning, I write on a little board what I’m going to do the next morning, all these little things that I do. Instead of reading a book thinking it’s going to change my life for this podcast. What if checking up a show three times a year gives you a 1% increase in your mindset? How does that affect the rest of your life?
So I’m always looking for a 1% edge. Now, here’s the thing that I’m going to tell you. I’ll give you a prime example. Have you ever talked to anybody that had a challenge at all like something they were dealing with because the challenge is their current average?
Rob: Of course, all the time.
Michael: Give me like a scenario real quick and then I’ll give you the quick rundown because I know we’re going to run out of time.
Rob: Yeah, I’ll give you an example.
Michael: Give me just a person.
Rob: I’ll just give you an example of coaching client, someone who we just worked with. A very successful doctor, huge struggles right now with one of their children who’s in his early 20s.
Michael: Drugs, alcohol, addiction problems?
Rob: A little bit mix of all of it.
Michael: Okay, good and a lot of us deal with that. So here’s what I recognized. We don’t exactly have a problem with our kids. So one of the things that I recognized is it’s not a problem with your kids. You think it’s a problem with your kids, that’s where the emotions get involved. And yes it is physically a problem with your child they’re having but there’s another thing that the current you cannot solve. So here’s the four things that I’m going to give you right now and I’m just going to tell you this is the answer to everything. If you have relationship issues, if your business isn’t growing the way you want it to, you have trouble with your team, it’s only four words and I’m going to give it to you real quickly.
Number one is a word called commitment. Now, if you’re listening to this right now, I know that that dad is committed to his kids. So I can’t say he’s not. And I know for a fact that if you’re on this podcast or listening, you are committed to your business and your life. No questions. The challenge is the second word. It’s called congruency. And what concurrency is, is do you do what you say you’re going to do? I mean, how amazing would it be if all business owners said we’re going to do 100 million this year and actually did what they said they were going to do? I mean, wouldn’t that solve all of our problems. I mean, think about that. Like you say, I’m going to exercise more and get healthier and then literally did it. Do you realize most people, weight issues are a congruency issue, not a gym issue, not a lazy issue. They just don’t do what they say they’re going to do. Do you realize how solvable that is?
Rob: So true.
Michael: The third and fourth, I believe are the missing genes of the 21st century and your clients’ challenge in the first place that I would start. Number three is communication. How we communicate with ourselves and others and I don’t mean one on one conversation. How we understand the human mind, what goes on an addicts mind, a person going through a divorce’s mind, a person addicted to Netflix’s mind, a person that has trouble being consistent mind.
See, a guy comes to me once and he says Michael, I just got back to my therapist, I have chronic anxiety. I said you’re screwed then there’s nothing I can do. He goes that’s not the answer I wanted from you. I paid you X amount of dollars, what are you crazy? And I said, well I can’t help you already have a label. There’s your identity, there’s your box. He goes, “What can we do?” I said well if you come to me and say Michael, I haven’t learned how to communicate with myself in a way that works yet, that person I can help. But I can’t help a person with chronic anxiety. You catch the difference?
Rob: Absolutely. Yeah, one’s in the box, one’s looking at ideas and solutions and where they can be and where they project themselves to be on the other side of the box, to use the terminology.
Michael: So if your client starts to become a better communicator and so you know what, you’re being challenged right now. The current you does not have the communication skills to deal with your son and to deal with yourself. To go to work on a daily basis and come home to kind of deal with it and you don’t have the words yet nor have you employed the people that can help you yet, bing bam boom. And the fourth is the word confidence.
Rob: So let me just pause on that one. So an example of something that someone shouldn’t be saying…We had a friend over for dinner about a week or so ago. He just finished a book and the focus is that what we talk about is what we bring about. So we’ve been very focused on our words…I mean, we’ve been focused on this for a long time, ultra-hyper focused this last week on our words, and it’s amazing how many times we use words that are not congruent with either where we want to be or putting ourselves in the box. So for example, this particular father if he was to say the words, “I can’t communicate with my son,” or, “My son is X,” or, “There’s no way I can get through with him.” Those are all words that establish their line in the sand words. They keep you in the box.
Michael: They establish the identity and then if you agree with that person. So let’s say I agree with that man, so let’s build a box again, I think this is worth going a couple of seconds over because I know that the audience listening right now is dealing with this stuff.
Rob: Yeah, everyone can relate.
Michael: This is real. This life. You want to get ahead in the world, we got to make the world better. So the guy comes over and let’s just say you and I are there at the dinner table and we say, oh man that’s horrible and we agree with that person. The second we agree linguistically with that person, we validate their reality of what it is that they’re saying in such a way that we create the identity that it is true that he does not have the ability to communicate. What I would say when he says, “I cannot communicate with my son,” I would say, “Is it that you currently are unable to or you’ve not found a way yet or you’re done trying done?”
“No, no, I’m not done trying.” Okay, so you’re willing to become a better communicator and search out solutions. That creates a new identity and throws them in immediately over the wall. Now, he’s over the wall and what I said back in the day, never been to the program but heard him say it once on an audio. Throw your freaking out over the wall so you have a reason to go over there. You know what, hat’s over the wall, he just admitted and committed that he has a challenge with this fun area. Does that make sense what I’m saying?
Rob: It’s perfect. So I can’t communicate with my son which prevents anything from going forward. Up to this point, I haven’t found an effective way to communicate with him yet.
Michael: Yes. So you’re going to have to challenge the person. So one of the things I teach in my human interaction technology which is a language, high level, unconscious reprogramming. You’ll understand that when you say something like if you understand the unconscious mind, it’s not some cute little thing you learn in psychobabble class. It’s a powerful mechanism that once you get the concept of it, it’s the type of thing that when you hear it, it offers you the ability to make a difference. So what you’d say to that guy, I can’t communicate with my son, you’d say, is it that you can’t or have not figured it out yet?
Rob: Yes, exactly.
Michael: So basically there’s room to grow. So I run out of my office, how powerful this concept was. I was leaving my office about, I would say, six months ago and I got those angry moments. You’ve ever had one of those angry moments where you get like just totally fired up? I got fired up. I came out of my office frustrated and excited at the same time and I said all right everybody, I’m leaving Tony Robbins, everyone else in the world, this whole get rich and be happy and be powerful thing, we’re not focused on that anymore, we’re not teaching any of that. We’re teaching people how to make their lives work. We’re going to teach people how to influence themselves. Let other people teach people how to be rich. I want to help people understand how to make their life work.
What I recognized is, how can you effectively go through your day if you’re not a high enough communicator? Here’s what the unconscious mind does for us. So that same client, I’m going to ask you a crazy question, is that client working on something business wise that’s got a big plan going on right now remember the child issue?
Rob: Yeah, I would say so. Yes.
Michael: Okay. So here’s the part people don’t realize. We ask for things in this world. This is going to sound spiritual but we ask for things. We say, we want to get ahead in business which requires you becoming a better communicator and more confident. So unfortunately, we get solutions in very strange ways. With this situation, he is being forced through something very important to become a better communicator and grow.
Rob: Yeah, I love it. So combining the one, we have commitment, congruency, communication and what’s the fourth?
Michael: The fourth is confidence. Now, have you seen a lot of confidence in this world lately in people? How many kids like literally these days shake your hand and look you in the eye? How many like normal kids, average kids?
Rob: Very few. Its eyes on the phone.
Michael: It’s a deadly thing, lack of confidence. Confidence in yourself, confidence in what you’re doing. So let’s just play a little game real quick. If you were more confident than you currently are, I’ll speak for myself currently, I was a better communicator than I currently am. I’m a phenomenal communicator but there’s wide limitations, we all do. Did more of what I said I was going to do and was even more committed to my life. Would my life work better?
Rob: Yeah, absolutely.
Michael: So take an example of somebody comes to me and goes I’m going through divorce. It’s okay. You’re physically going through a relationship that is not working completely. What that truly means is, what you’re currently dealing with this moment is two people that have not learned how to communicate effectively with each other or maybe shouldn’t have been together in the first place. What’s fascinating is, if you do want to make that work, what do we need to grow? You need to be more of who you said you were going to be. You need to communicate in a way that may build a radically new relationship for you. You may not get the old one back, but you have to communicate with yourself. I mean, how fun would it be for some people to maybe not get the old relationship back? Get a brand new one. Have the courage and confidence to build an even better one than the one they had, but that requires communicating with yourself that that’s okay based on a new model. This could go really deep right now and I’m not going to go here right now. But most people’s idea of a great life, great business, great marriage is something they saw in 2D when there were five. That’s when they built their box.
Rob: Yeah, which is why the subconscious in many cases drives the results.
Michael: 100%. They watched Different Strokes when we were kids, right? They set up Phillip Drummond and he had a nice, fancy mansion, already watched The Facts Of Life or they watch Friends and they think that’s going to be life, knowing the age of your audience I think I landed the. Do you know what I mean? But the point of this is most of our lives are designed by these false realities that we’ve created and we skip this chance to grow. So here’s the point. You want to grow 1% advantage is actively seeking ways to become more confident. I started and wanted to get in better shape, I started doing Spartan races. I wanted to become a better communicator, I took up more challenging clients. I wanted to become more confident, I put myself in masterminds, I put myself on podcasts like this.
You know what happened? It’s not overnight success, but it forced me to grow and it forced me to become more. That’s what people don’t realize is unless you’re working on, what I call your core four, your commitment, your concurrency, your confidence and communication, you’re going to be in your current box permanently.
Rob: Yeah, well Michael, this has been absolutely phenomenal. I wish we had another hour. In fact, we may do another podcast down the road so we can keep this discussion going.
Michael: Love it.
Rob: There’s so many things that people can use from this podcast. In fact, I would encourage listeners, you know, you’ve listened to this today, put this on the calendar to think about, for we can come back and listen again and let this marinate a little bit and see where this is at and how it applies to your life. I certainly will. I’ve taken great notes as we’ve been talking here and in the spirit of good better best, I think Michael has perfectly illustrated that we can all do better and we have the intention to and we we’ve learned on this podcast some great tools and ideas on how to even further that and move it out of the intention phase. Getting out of the box. And so great notes here. This is definitely one to come back and listen to again.
Michael, obviously we could have gone much deeper even in the time that…I mean, we’ve already gone to 34 minutes. Typically these are 20 to 30 minutes max and this has just been phenomenal. So obviously we could have done a whole lot more. This has still been incredibly valuable and I’m sure there are people who want to know more than we were just able to cover in this short podcast. How can they find you?
Michael: Well, this is what’s really cool. So what I’m going to do is I’m going to make this simple. Every one of you has a phone. I’m going to give you a number. I’ll repeat it twice so you can grab a pen, take a couple seconds to get this. You can always go to Michaelbernoff.com. You can figure out how to spell it or go to YouTube, find me, catch me on Facebook or whatever. Michaelbernoff.com, B-E-R-N-O-F-F, that’ll be in the show notes.
The other thing I was going to say is I set up something simple because I want to make your life pretty easy. Every one of you has a phone, grab your phone and send a text to this number 480, I’m in Phoenix, so 480-800-8051. That’s 480-800-8051 and in the spirit of the show, text “Your best.” You can either do with a space or without a space, “Your best” and I’m going to send you a video on a little bit more about this and how to raise your current average, how to get your team to also raise their average as well and also how to understand this conversation and have it with other people. Really start thinking about this in your day right now. Just start thinking about how many things you do on autopilot which is great. You got a consistent life, your challenge is in consistency. Your challenge is consistently doing the things you want.
So, 480-800-8051, text “Your best” and I’m going to send you a video that is absolutely incredible. It’ll blow your mind. It’s a very, very simple thing that’ll get you thinking and more importantly, accelerate you out of your current average. You’ll enjoy that a lot. So that should be enough right there. I mean, I’m excited to work with you and help out your team. I love what you’re doing in the world man. I love your material, your books, your child’s book and it’s really fun what you got going on in the world.
Rob: Well, I feel the same about you my friend. One more time, what’s the number Michael just in case?
Michael: Yap, it’s 480-800-8051 and text “Your best.” All you do is hit send and like give it a couple minutes, be patient, we got to learn patience and you’ll get an email back. Challenge yourself to take a few minutes and watch that and listen to it, even if you just listened in your car, it’ll be very helpful to hear.
Rob: Well, this has been phenomenal. I highly encourage everyone listening to text that number. It definitely will work in the U.S. You’ll need to send an international text if you’re listening from other countries in Philippines and Africa, Costa Rica. You can also go to Michaelbernoff.com/yourbest and you get access to the same thing.
Perfect. So for our international friends that may be the best bet for you. So Michael it’s been awesome. Huge take home value for people listening to this. There’s one more thing I would encourage people to do and that is to share this with someone else you know. You know, it’s great that we look inside and it’s exactly what we should be doing. How many other people do you know who you could share this with whose life it could impact? So I invite you to be proactive and not just take this internally. Turn around and find one person that you can share this with, who you think it would impact and really help them move forward in their lives and maybe they’ll share it with their teams and you become the ripple effect that truly one person can make a difference.
Michael: Love it.
Rob: So Michael, thanks my friend, you’ve been awesome and to all of our listeners have a fabulous day.