Episode 439: JR Martinez. From the Battlefield to Dance With The Stars

In this episode, we learn the true meaning of resilience and optimism from JR Martinez. Only one month after his deployment to Iraq, JR’s Humvee got hit by an improvised explosive device, causing him several injuries, burning 30% of his body, and sending him into a long recovery of three years. After over 30 surgeries, JR started the second part of his story and, relying on his inner strength, an acute sense of humor, and incomparable love of life, became an inspiring figure and a beacon of hope and optimism.

Steve Shallenberger: Welcome to all of our podcast listeners, wherever you may be in the world today. We are so excited to welcome you. It’s a privilege and honor to have our listeners with us. Today, we have a very special guest with us. From the battlefields of Iraq to the dance floors of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars, he has woven a remarkable tale of resilience and triumph. The Louisiana-born Army Iraq War veteran and multifaceted talent has defied expectations at every turn, leaving an indelible mark on the worlds of entertainment, literature, and motivational speaking. Welcome, J.R. Martinez.

J.R. Martinez: Thank you so much for that introduction. It’s just a pleasure to be here today.

Steve Shallenberger: Oh, I’ve been looking forward to it, and first of all, so grateful for your service and all the good things that you’re doing.

J.R. Martinez: Oh, well, thank you so much. I think it’s one of the things that even though my military career was cut really short, I was introduced to this concept of service. Not only was I introduced to it verbally, it was explained to me, but I started to understand and then feel it. I started to understand the role that I played in this thing we call service. I think that was a challenge I experienced after I was injured and being told that I couldn’t stay in the Army anymore. My ability to serve was taken away, and then I, over time, was able to identify that I could continue to serve. It’s going to look completely different. It’s going to be in a completely different uniform, but nonetheless, I can still carry out the mission that’s important to me, which is serving other people.

Steve Shallenberger: I love it. That’s a great attitude. Before we get going, I’ll just give our listeners a little bit more to better appreciate what about your life. J.R. comes from a multicultural background. His mom is a resilient single parent, originally from El Salvador, and his dad is of Mexican descent. In 2002, a young and idealistic Martinez embarked on military training at Fort Benning, Georgia, honing his skills as an 11B infantryman. In January 2003, he was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 502nd Infantry Regiment of the 101st Airborne Division, which is so famous, I mean, that is historic. In March of that year, he was deployed to Iraq. Tragedy struck on April 5, 2003, less than a month into his deployment. While driving in the outskirts of Karbala, a roadside bomb engulfed his Humvee, trapping J.R. within and inflicting severe burns to more than 34% of his body and smoke inhalation. He was evacuated to Germany and then on to San Antonio. He spent 34 months undergoing 33 surgeries, including skin grafts and cosmetic procedures. This terrible ordeal, however, proved to be a crucible, forging his inner strength and igniting a new purpose. He’s had the opportunity to speak to audiences all around, and he has a wonderful philosophy of adapt and overcome. That’s one of his personal mantras. So, let’s just jump right into it. There’s so many other things we could talk about, but I’d like to start off with just inviting you, J.R., to tell us about your background, including any turning points in your life that have had a significant impact on you.

J.R. Martinez: Oh, man, there’s so many. How do you pick one? There are so many that are in different stages of my life, relevant to that time period, that allowed me to get through that moment and see another moment, to see the beauty and the lessons that come from that particular experience. But, I’ll tell you, probably the most pivotal one, obviously, was after I was injured. As you mentioned, I spent almost three years in the hospital recovering. That felt like I was just managing as best as I could. I mean, there were a lot of ups and downs, as you can imagine. There were days where I would be out in front of people, in public, on TV, doing interviews, or doing small speaking engagements on behalf of a nonprofit that I was representing. Yes, I put on a great front. Everything was great, and there were moments where everything was great. But then I would go back and have things that would trigger me and put me in a negative space. When I got out of the hospital, I was 22 years old. I got into what we refer to as the civilian world and started reaching out to people, asking for opportunities. At this point, I identified that I wanted to be a speaker. This is what I wanted to do with my life. I felt like I had a gift for it. I felt like I could do it. I had a story to tell. At the time, the story was about me. It was a lot about what I experienced. Over time, it developed into where, as someone said to me once, “When your story becomes less about you and more about helping other people, that’s when you’re really going to start to make a difference.” But in the early stages, it was about me because that’s all I really understood about my story.

J.R. Martinez: I struggled. There was a lot of rejection. There were a lot of people who essentially boxed me in and just limited me to speaking to audiences in the military, which I love to do. Nonetheless, I felt restricted. I felt like I had so much more to offer outside of the military audience. Now, listen, in the short amount of time I was in the military, it was a culture where you got things done. You say something; you’re gonna do something. Unfortunately, I started to get exposed to people that would say things, and they wouldn’t do things. It really triggered me. There was just a lot of stuff, and I was just an unpleasant 22, 23, 24-year-old to be around. I was triggered a lot, and I’m going to be completely transparent with you: I was in a stage of my life where I was drinking, and when you mix that with this unstable, emotional young man, that’s not a great recipe to have. I was just in a bad place. One evening, I had an altercation with a group of veterans. There was one individual, and he and I just kind of went back and forth a little bit. I wanted to fight. That was the only thing I knew my entire life. All I knew was when something felt uncomfortable, you either ran away or you fought. That’s it. There was no sense of talking it out. There was no sense of leaning in, maybe crying—none of that stuff. So I naturally just responded with, “I want to fight. Let’s fight.” This gentleman didn’t want to fight. Instead, he told me to sit in the passenger seat of his car and said that I needed to cry. I was like, “What do you mean I need to cry?” He said, “You need to cry. You’ve healed physically, but you haven’t healed emotionally or mentally. You need to cry.” As you can imagine, it took me by surprise. I was like, “What are you talking about?” And before I knew it, I just started crying. I had no idea why; I was just crying. I poured out a lot of things that I had been carrying that I had been living with, struggling with over the last couple of years—frustrations.

J.R. Martinez: Needless to say, at the conclusion of this conversation, let me tell you how important and impactful it was. Every time he and I would have an interaction, whether over the phone or in person, he would always end with, “I love you.” He would say that to me, “I love you.” Because, again, I wasn’t conditioned to tell another man nor hear another man tell me he loved me, I would respond like a typical early 20-year-old with, “All right, cool, talk to you later, man.” The power of this evening, when I started really opening up, crying, and sharing all this stuff, was that at the conclusion, I was the first one to look at him and say, “I love you.” I said, “Thank you.” What I identified in that moment, and as I really started to reflect on my life at that period, is that I realized that all I’ve ever wanted, and all everyone ever wants, is to be listened to and not just heard. Because you can hear something but not really listen to it. It’s like there’s background noise right now, and I can hear it, but I’m not really listening to it. I couldn’t repeat to you what it is that’s happening behind me. But when you’re actively listening, now I can repeat everything you just said to me verbatim or what someone else has said. This individual listened to me. He gave me a space to share, to be transparent, and to be vulnerable. He didn’t judge me for my “weakness.” That’s what, unfortunately, in the male culture and society in general, and the military community, anytime a man shows emotion, you’re perceived as weak.

J.R. Martinez: I recently read this article on LinkedIn. As we start to have these conversations about mental health in the last few years, we think we start to kind of cross—okay, now we’re on the other side of this bridge. But then, there’s an article from someone who I think is pretty influential and insightful, and they are highlighting how these big Fortune 100 companies are incorporating these soft skills into the workspace. I read this article, and what he’s referring to is that a lot of these companies you know, I know, and we use, are now investing in their people. They are listening to them, giving them space to explore and vent, and all this stuff. I’m thinking to myself, “All that’s great that you’re highlighting the work.” The problem I have with it is the title: why is it perceived as a ‘soft’ skill? Because innately, soft is going to be interpreted as weak again. So here we are, almost taking a step back with this article, even though the intention is to highlight something incredible that society and these organizations have identified as important. You have to be willing to invest in people. When you invest in people, despite how technology is taking over and doing a great job, and there are a lot of things that we benefit from and make our lives convenient through technology, but at the end of the day, it’s people.

J.R. Martinez: You have to understand that when you invest in people, people are going to come with things. People are going to come with things, just like technology. You have to troubleshoot people. You have to troubleshoot different things that you have and utilize. I can tell you that after that incident where I had that conversation with this gentleman, my life turned. My life completely shifted, and all of a sudden, opportunities started to present themselves. What I took away from that was like, “Ah, I have been, over the last few years, kind of protecting myself from truly being vulnerable.” Once I leaned into that, I thought, “Okay, I think that’s the secret sauce. That’s where I create connection with people. That’s when we find the intersectionality between my journey and your journey, whoever you are, and we connect on a human level.” That was such a big, pivotal moment. He’s 17 years older than me. He’s my best friend. We call him Uncle Dan in the house. He’s the godfather to my children. He’s like their grandfather as well. He’s like a father figure to me. I mean, he’s just an incredible individual who has always shown up and leaned in from a place of love.

Steve Shallenberger: Isn’t it amazing that one person, especially at the right time, can have such a huge impact on our lives?

J.R. Martinez: Absolutely. I think what’s incredible about it is that we all have the ability to be that one person to somebody else, and a lot of us don’t even realize it. We’re so conditioned. Here I was trying to fight this man. This is the same man I was trying to fight maybe 30 minutes before, and he could have easily said, “I want nothing to do with this kid. This kid is out of control. This kid is a hothead. There’s something wrong with him. Go get help.” He could have easily said those things. And that’s what we typically tell people, “Hey, you need to go get help. You need to go talk to somebody.” Well, have you ever thought for a moment that maybe the person they would love to talk to is you? They’re just probably not expressing it. Maybe they don’t even realize it like I didn’t realize it in that moment. Instead of him just pushing, kicking the can down the road, if you will, and saying, “Let you be someone else’s problem,” he said, “No, I’m gonna lean in because this kid needs somebody right now, and I’m gonna show up for him.” Not only was that an example for me, but I remember several instances— and I don’t want to spend all the time talking about these stories—but essentially, there are all these instances and experiences that I’ve had where we’re so conditioned that we are always the ones being asked to give. We’re so conditioned that if someone approaches us, they want something from us. If somebody wants to have a conversation, they want something. Yes, in some cases, that’s true, but I was constantly reminded of this just a few months ago. I was here in Austin, Texas, where I live. I had done a small speaking engagement for some friends, and it was at this restaurant. I leave the restaurant; it’s around nine o’clock at night, and there’s this courtyard. As I’m walking out, a gentleman walks up to me. I’m thinking to myself, “Oh man, what is he gonna ask me for? It’s nine o’clock.” He walks up to me and says, “Hey, excuse me, would you mind taking a picture of my girlfriend and me?” I was like, “Oh, of course, man. Give me that phone.” So, I do my best photography work as best as I could do. I show him the photos, and he looks at them. He says, “Oh yeah. Do you mind taking one more?” At that point, I become a little agitated because I’m like, “Man, I just gave you like 40—I gave you a photo album, and now you want one more? But okay, no big deal.” I said, “Well, since we’re gonna take one more photo, let’s just change the backdrop. Let’s move you guys over here.” I really get into this whole photography thing. I notice that his behavior is a little odd. He’s almost kind of nervously moving. 

J.R. Martinez: Then, suddenly, I see him reach in his pocket, and I’m like, is he about to propose? So, I flip from photo to video and start recording. Sure enough, he does. He proposes, and I capture this moment on their phone. I’m like, “Congratulations! That is awesome. I wish you guys the best,” and I start to walk away. But then I turn back and think, I gotta go back. So I go back and say, “Can I take a video with you guys? Do a selfie video? Just, ‘Hey, this is what I just experienced.'” They were like, “Of course.” So I take a video, end the video, and say, “Hey, again, congratulations. Wish you guys the best.” He looks at me and says, “Man, we’ve been walking around all day, and I was just waiting for the right person to capture the moment.” I thought to myself, here I am. Yes, I’m the one who held the phone, hit record, and took the pictures. I’m the one who captured this special moment for them that they’ll hopefully be able to look back on and reflect with joy and happiness for the rest of their lives. And yes, although I was the one who gave something and did something for them, at the end of the day, I was willing to put myself into the space. I was humbled and reminded that not every interaction is intended for me to have to give something to somebody else. It’s an opportunity for that circumstance, individual, whatever happens, for me to receive. I have to be open to receiving as well. I can’t be just conditioned to think I always have to give.

J.R. Martinez: Had I been just conditioned with that, I could have ended that interaction and never got that beautiful reminder that this is a beautiful opportunity to just exchange energies. That’s what my life consists of—being open, listening, staying curious, wanting to know more, and asking as many questions as I can. As someone who is considered a thought leader or influencer, or whatever term is being thrown out there in the world, a very big part of that is not necessarily– There’s a component of “I know what I know. I’m successful because I’ve made certain decisions and shown up a certain way.” At a certain point, you also need to step back, pause, and maybe it’s time for me to listen. Maybe it’s time for me to give the microphone to other people, even if it’s people that I perceive as lower than me—whatever that means. They’re going to be somebody who will give me something that I need in this very important moment in my life, whether I realize it or not. 

Steve Shallenberger: J.R., there are dynamics that happen just as you’ve been describing. You’ve given two wonderful examples that are magical; they’re special; they change things, and we’re never quite the same again. I’m interested in your reflection on two aspects of this really, very special interchange you had with your friend. First of all, he didn’t fight. I love that. Second, he said, “You need to cry.” I mean, what would ever cause him to say that? And second is that you were open to that. Something happened in your heart. It was life-changing for both of you. So, can you describe what happened? What allowed you to be open to his feelings and his suggestions? I’m just wondering what caused him to even say that in the first place. Do you have any reflections or thoughts on that? Because maybe all of us need that in a little way as we think about our lives.

J.R. Martinez: I think a good way to lean into this is the last sentence you just said, “as we think about our lives.” The reason I think that’s important to pay attention to is because we don’t spend enough time stopping to think and reflect on our lives. We’re so conditioned. The saying is, “Never look back. Always look ahead. Plan six months from now. Have six years from now figured out. Have the rest of your life figured out.” Although, yes, that’s great, and that’s important, and I completely understand that sentiment. I do believe—I’m one of those individuals who do believe—that it is important to every now and then, have these little moments where you stop and reflect. You look back, and you just appreciate the journey. You appreciate how far you’ve come. You remind yourself that you’re incredible, that you’re resilient, that you’re capable, that you’ve already done these very difficult things. I think the more that we do that, every situation after that, we can come to it with this understanding that “I’m capable.” So, the reason I say that is because Dan had a couple of people who had done this for him in his life. Again, he was 17 years older than me, so he was almost a 40-year-old man at the time of this interaction. He had some experience and could reflect and understand what that did for him and how it helped him. So he says, “I’m going to now share that with somebody else.” I think as far as why I decided to accept that invitation to cry and be vulnerable in that space when I knew the man but didn’t really know him like that. It’s all about a feeling. It truly is about a feeling. It’s easy to say to somebody, “Hey, you need to learn about being vulnerable. You should be vulnerable.” “Hey, go listen to this podcast; they talk about vulnerability.” Or, “Hey, you need to be vulnerable. Go read this book. Learn about vulnerability.” But it’s one thing when someone is able to create a space where it feels safe, and you feel it. That is different. I’ve been in a lot of spaces with people, whether it’s one, two, ten, fifteen hundred, thirty thousand people—whatever it is. You understand the space, the energy; it feels good, it doesn’t feel good.

J.R. Martinez: I felt like this was a safe space where I could 100% lean in. I just felt that this man was pure, and he was coming from a healthy place. I was also willing at that time to just take that risk. What else did I have? I already felt like my back was up against the wall, and there was no way out of whatever circumstance I felt like I was in. So, I might as well just lean into this. That essentially has been the foundation of how I approach everything in life, whether it’s been the opportunity to become a speaker, whether it’s the opportunity to cross into the entertainment space, to write a book, to do all the things that I’ve had this incredible honor to do. I just always approach it with this aspect of “Lean in. You never know. You’ll be surprised, and good things will come from it.” But again, if you don’t, you will never know.

Steve Shallenberger: Well, let’s shift focus a little bit here. You have accomplished so much. I mean, really, kudos—Dancing with the Stars! Oh my heck, you’ve got some moves, bro.

J.R. Martinez: It’s funny. When I went on that show, I was always the guy people ask all the time, “How did you get from this to that? How did you go from the military to now going into the entertainment space, let alone Dancing with the Stars, and not only being able to dance but also winning the competition?” And I tell people, when you really understand my journey and my life, it’s really not that difficult to understand. I’ll just share two quick stories. I already know I’m going to be that old man one day when someone is going to ask me a very simple question like, “Can you tell me, do I go left or right at this intersection?” and I’m going to be like, “Well, let me tell you a story.” I’m already that person now—I’m full of stories. But there are two stories that I think will lead up to me being on Dancing with the Stars. So, when I was a kid, my father wasn’t in my life. He left when I was a child. My mother was dating this man, and he would sit in the living room, play the piano, and sing these Spanish love songs. Spanish was my first language. Here I am, as a three- or four-year-old, sitting there, mesmerized by this man playing the piano and singing. As I got a little older, I would go over, sit next to him, and watch him. Then I would start singing myself. He would go, because I was born in Louisiana, to this really small hole-in-the-wall bar and perform. He took me a couple of times. He took me to this bar—which is probably why he and my mother didn’t last—but he took me to this bar. He’s sitting there playing the piano, and I’m singing. He gives me the microphone, and I’m out in front, dancing and singing in front of all these people. Who knows how many drinks they’ve had in their system, but they’re like, “Oh my God, so good,” whatever. The reason I share that story is because I believe someone said this to me recently: “The environments that you’re in can change your DNA.” Someone said that to me. It really processed, and I was like, “Oh, yes, 100% agree with that,” because my DNA has always said, “This is who J.R. is. J.R. is a performer. J.R. has no problem being in front of people. That is who he is. He is this light and this energy that needs to be shared.”

J.R. Martinez:  When I was a senior in high school, we had one of our school dances and the principal—she was tough and intimidating. I’m 5’9″, and I think she was about 5’10”. She was just an intimidating woman. Her name was Dr. Youngblood, and I remember at this dance, she was walking around, watching everybody, making sure no one was doing anything inappropriate and that everyone was behaving. She came around and said, “Okay, we only have X amount of time left.” I said, “Dr. Youngblood, can we have 15 more minutes? Can we stay 15 more minutes?” She said, “No, no, no.” So then, I took it upon myself to create this circle. I started pulling different peers and classmates into the circle, and we were all having a good time, just dancing. What do I do? I go and grab the principal, who’s standing right there to make sure we’re all dancing appropriately and behaving. I pull her into the circle, and I start dancing with the principal. Everyone’s like, “Oh my God.” Well, guess what? Not only did we get extra time, we got an extra 15 minutes. We were able to stay half an hour after because I got her to smile. The point of me telling you this is because that is always who I’ve been. I’ve always been this individual, but different circumstances over the course of my life have tried to take that away from me and have tried to suppress who that person has always been. It took some soul searching and a lot of sitting with myself and reflecting to understand who I am and who I wanted to be to get back to that and recapture that, but then also to take pride in that. When I went on Dancing with the Stars, to me and people who have really known me my entire life, it was no secret. It was no surprise that I was doing as well as I was doing. It was a surprise to everybody else who didn’t know me and maybe that was the first time they were learning about me. They saw the title of “disabled veteran, burn victim.” They focused on the disabled, on the scars, on the victim. Because they focused on that, it blocked their ability to see what I was truly capable of and who I really am.

The more that I was on the show—it took 10 weeks—by the time I got to the end, people saw who I am, what I am, and what I’m capable of. That’s how I showed up. So, for me, I’ve always been this person. I’ve always loved to dance. My mother—again, a single mother—had no choice but to be her dance partner. She would take me to dances with her just so she could dance with me and nobody else. Of course, I was embarrassed to do it at a young age, and then I realized girls like guys that could dance. Then I was like, “Teach me a few moves.” So again, it was no surprise to people who have known me most of my life that I was doing what I was doing on this show. It was more of a surprise to everybody else. But what was great is that by the end of that season, I was able to remove the title of “disabled veteran,” remove the title of “burn victim,” remove the stigma of someone who is scarred and disfigured. Instead, people looked at me and said, “He’s a veteran, he’s a burn survivor, and J.R. is not someone that has scars or is disfigured. Look at him. He can dance.” Or, “We find him attractive.” There are all these things that come from it, and they got to see me as a person, and that’s what it’s about.

Steve Shallenberger: Two wonderful lessons in that. One is just don’t judge people right from the surface. Take the time to really learn about people and let their magic come out. And number two is also to realize all the goodness you have. Well, J.R., I can’t believe it, we’re at the end of our interview already. I want to give you one minute to share some of your most important life lessons that can be helpful for our listeners.

J.R. Martinez: I say, in the midst of all the noise in our life, when there’s all this chaos and a lot of things that are pulling us in different directions, and at times we feel overwhelmed, I just encourage you to pause, to close your eyes, and just to connect with your breath. That breath should remind you that you’re alive. And as long as we’re alive, we’re able to show up, and we are able to get the lessons that we’re able to get in order to help propel us into the next phase of our life. So, just pause, close your eyes, reflect, connect with your breath, and understand in this moment, “I’m grateful, and I’m alive.”

Steve Shallenberger: Amen. Well, what a fun interview. Bravo. It’s been great. How can people find out about what you’re doing, J.R.?

J.R. Martinez: Well, thank you so much for having me on. Thank you for creating this platform and, again, for having me on. It’s been a pleasure. You can always go to my website, jrmartinez.com, or you can find me on social media if you’re there at @iamjrmartinez. Regardless, I look forward to connecting with every single person that feels inclined to reach out. If not, no big deal. It’s been a pleasure to connect with you, sir. Thank you again for the opportunity. I’ll be rooting for you.

Steve Shallenberger: Thank you so much. You’re a delight and an inspiration. We wish you the best as you’re touching lives for good everywhere.

J.R. Martinez: Thank you so much, sir.

Steve Shallenberger: To our listeners, we’re humbled by the chance to be together with you. Thanks for tuning in. I hope you picked up as much as I did today. I feel inspired and want to do better. So we wish each one of you the best. This is Steve Shallenberger, your host, signing off.